George Carlin

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, and social critic.Wikipedia

Quotes by George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

George Carlin

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

George Carlin

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

George Carlin

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

George Carlin

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

George Carlin

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

George Carlin

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

George Carlin

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

George Carlin

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

George Carlin

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

George Carlin

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

George Carlin